Have you ever questioned the support of a friend?
Friendship makes our lives colorful and positive. Good friends are a basic necessity to life, especially in truly supportive relationships. Building a network of supportive friends can be extremely beneficial to your own well-being. Having a close circle of friends can lead to a healthy lifestyle, more social engagement, personal success and most importantly happiness.
Below are a few ways to tell if your friends are truly supportive of you and/or if you are equally supportive of them.
1. A supportive friend is someone you can really talk to.
Navi and Link from Nintendo’s Legend of Zelda (by Ata Chan)
A supportive friend is a good listener. Regardless of whether they have different values or opinions a supportive friend will trust you to be able to come to them whenever you need to talk.
They don’t just let you vent to them, but will sincerely listen to you and reflect back what you are saying so that you know they understand. He or she will never try to shame or judge you for your lifestyle and will not give you unwanted advice. They will not make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable and can be fully trusted with your secrets and confidences.
A supportive friend would never:
Ignore you or seem uninterested while you are speaking.
Try to turn the conversation back on their life experiences.
Respond to you in ways that are poorly timed or somehow unsettling.
Make light of anything scared or meaningful to you.
Tell others things you intended to have kept in confidence.
Tell you “I Told You So” when you are emotionally down. (likewise, never tell a supportive friend “you don’t understand” when they are trying to be understanding or helpful)
2. A supportive friend will be there to lessen your grief.
Olaf and Elsa from Disney’s Frozen
At some point in our lifetimes, all of us suffer from some sort of personal crisis. This crisis can come from all types of painful experiences such as the death of a loved one, failure to accomplish a dream, a relationship ending, etc.
When we are dealing with grief we often sabotage ourselves by foolishly trying to live our lives in isolation. A supportive friend will not only be there to prevent that from happening, but will also anticipate your grief and will be especially thoughtful and encouraging during these times.
A supportive friend would never:
Intentionally speak repeatedly of subjects that are painful to you.
Encourage abusive behavior that will only intensify your hurt and prolong your grief.
Fall through on a promise while you are grieving.
Continually question you and your decisions.
Tease or blame you when you are experiencing guilt.
3. A supportive friend will encourage you to be positive.
Rob Schneider in Adam Sandler’s Water Boy
A supportive friend always thinks to include you in activities. They will volunteer with tasks that may be difficult for you to do alone and will help find a solution to any problems that need solved. A supportive friend will encourage social interaction with other friends and will help with any goals that you have.
A supportive friend will make a strong effort to keep your friendship intact and will initiate conversation if you are being distant. They will respect your privacy without ignoring your need for human contact. He or she will remind you of your strengths when you forget and genuinely wants you to be happy. They may not always be comfortable with a certain feeling you’re expressing or how you’re living but they will try to understand and tell you honestly when they are not able to be there for you because of problems of their own.
A supportive friend would never:
Be jealous or resentful of you.
Encourage you in behaviors that are self-destructive.
Instigate drama between you or other friends.
Be disrespectful towards your loved ones or belongings.
Abuse your relationship for personal gain.
Street Fighter’s Ryu and Ken (by African Samurai)
Good friends are hard to come by. If you have several close friends that you are supportive then you should consider yourself very fortunate. Not every friend is supportive and you should be cautious of destructive friendships. You may have shared great times or have a lot of love and respect for a person, but if the relationship isn’t mutual you may want to consider giving your energy to a doomed friendship. Even if you were once extremely close, you must remember that people grow apart and change. If someone in your life is no longer good for you, it’s perfectly acceptable to let them go. It’s also important to be a good friend yourself, providing others with as many of the benefits of a supportive friendship as you can.
Some people will find friends amongst their family members, others may find friends in love partners or colleagues. You may have even lost an old friend and are looking to reestablish a connection with them. You may feel too busy to have fun or nurture these relationships, but I assure you that those who are willing to invest the time are far better off.
Without the comfort and love of other people none of us are very strong. Making friends can sometimes be difficult and awkward but ultimately worth it. By being friendly and open and initiating conversation with people you are greatly increasing your chances of making new friends. There are plenty of great people in this world who are available and in need of more good friends. My advice; Go find them.
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